Tender Mercies

A very tired little girl :(

 

This last week was a difficult one. Elise caught a stomach virus which lasted for a couple days. Unfortunately for her, little stomach bugs turn into big problems. We weren't able to get her to eat or drink anything, including her anti-seizure medications.

 

Elise became very sick very quickly. She started on Wednesday night at dinner, not wanting to eat and starting to look a little green. She vomited not long after that. I left her with Heidi while I went to work on Thursday, stocked with Gatorade, Sprite and ice cream. Basically anything that would tempt her to take a drink of something. By the time I got home for lunch, she had had five seizures (two of them were the night before), one of which was terrifying for the kids to watch. Heidi had immediately called Eric, who came home right away.

 

I only had two more patients for the day, so we decided to take her to the hospital when I was done with work and try to get some fluids into her. We took her to the ER at Providence Hospital in Everett. We were there for about five hours, where she had two more violent seizures. One was exactly like the one that Heidi described from earlier that day. Her eyes suddenly shot open, her pupils were huge and black, and she started screaming hysterically while her entire body stiffened. It was the most terrifying thing that I have ever witnessed. I will never forget the look of sheer terror on her little face.

 

We had been sitting in the hospital room already for a long time, with hardly anyone coming in to check on us. Her first seizure had started directly after the doctor left the room. I ran out of the room to notify the nurses in the hall, but by the time they came in she was already self-stabilizing. When she had the second seizure, however, we were certainly not ignored. Three nurses and her doctor came running into the room as soon as they heard her screams. I was trying to console her, but didn't know what to do. I was crying, trying to talk to her and touch her face, hoping that somewhere inside of her she could hear my voice. The team immediately threw an oxygen mask on her face and a dose of Atavan (a strong form of Valium) was ordered for her.

 

After three needle sticks, the nurses were able to get an IV into Elise's arm. The Atavan was pumped in and she almost immediately quieted down.

 

The ER doctor who was helping Elise out decided that she was beyond the scope of their care. She needed a pediatric neurologist, who could get her seizures stabilized. They decided that we needed to transfer her down to Children's Hospital in Seattle.

 

Elise and I rode in the noisy, bumpy ambulance down to Children's at around midnight. She had another minor seizure in the ambulance, but it was very small. The EMT who rode in the back with us gave her a cute little teddy bear, with a few injuries of his own. He had a bandaid on his head, a cast on his leg, and carried a crutch.

 

We arrived at Children's and went through all the test results and interviews with multiple doctors. Elise had another seizure while everyone else was out of the room, but it was pretty mild. I mentioned it to them when they returned and they were stunned that I hadn't notified them. I hadn't gotten much help before so it didn't occur to me to call for anyone again, especially for a small one. But they were flabbergasted. It was pretty funny actually.

 

Elise was put onto a loading dose of Keppra, one of her main anti-seizure medications. After that we were finally admitted. We didn't get to our room until 4:00 am. By then I was so tired I thought that I would fall asleep on my feet. After getting her situated in the room I was finally able to get a few hours sleep until morning.

 

The next day Elise did well. She was very sleepy and nonresponsive, but that was understandable. The important thing was that she was no longer having seizures. Now the waiting game was just to see when she could manage drinking on her own, in particular to take her medications.

 

Eric came to Children's at about noon and I was able to step out of the room for a few minutes to get us some lunch. We coaxed Elise all afternoon until finally she was ready to really wake up. At last she was drinking enough and alert enough that the doctors felt comfortable to release her. We got home around 6:00 that night, just in time to make some dinner for the kids. 

 

On our way home!

As I have reflected back on this experience, I have been amazed to notice all the tender mercies that we received during Elise's illness.

 

Although it was scary to watch my child go through so much trauma over something as small as a stomach virus, I have felt so incredibly blessed. She is healthy and doing well. She was a bit wobbly today still, but by this evening she was laughing and babbling just like she always does. We have our little Elisey back, with no apparent damage.

 

The amazing thing was, however, that I felt so much peace during the entire event. I knew without a doubt that she was going to recover, that she was in excellent care with all the doctors and nurses who handled her case, and that we were going to pull through this as a family.

 

Several times the nurses and doctors mentioned how surprised they were about our calm demeanor. They said that most parents would be panicking at what they saw and what was happening with their child. We laughed it off, saying that it wasn't our first time dealing with these issues. But the more I have thought about it, the more I realize what a beautiful gift we were given of peace and comfort. It was a blessing straight from our Father in Heaven and I am so thankful for it.

 

I was also never concerned about the other kids at home. Heidi did a wonderful job holding down the fort, feeding the kids, and managing all that needed done in our absence. What a blessing she is to our family as well.

 

While we watched over our sleepy girl in the hospital, on Friday we had a visit from a woman in one of the wards located around Children's Hospital. She came asking if we needed assistance with anything, if we needed Priesthood blessings, and if we wanted our names submitted on the temple rolls for strengthening prayers and blessings. I was so touched by her visit, a complete stranger, who came bringing the love of the Savior into our room. She seemed to look right into me and see exactly what I needed to hear at that time. Among other things, she said that I needed a chocolate milk shake and gave Eric the charge to find me one. I felt incredibly blessed to be so looked after.

 

And then there were all the prayers from friends and family. It only took a few little posts on Facebook for me to have an entire support group rallying around our family. I can't even express how very much I felt those prayers. The power of prayer and faith is real. It is so real that I feel that I could tangibly reach out and touch it. I am still basking in the warm afterglow left over from it's encompassing glory. God's love for us is real. His love for my family is real. And His love for my little girl is as wide as the universe.

 

I am so grateful for tender mercies, and their affirming and absolute confirmation of my Heavenly Father's tender love for each of us. 

Lessons from Elise

I wrote an essay entitled "Lessons from Elise" which is featured on our writing group's website today. I went into more detail of what life is like living with a child with disabilities, as well as my journey to being at peace with it.  Check the link to read the full essay!

Seeing the Rainbow

This is a picture my dad took when he was here visiting for our spring break.

One of my patients at work had a rough time last year with difficult illnesses and hospital stays.  For a while her family did not think that she was going to pull through it.  I was devastated when I heard the news.  I feel a special connection with her because she reminds me so much of Elise.

When I see her mom bring her in to the office it makes me think about how that will be me and Elise in fifteen years.  She calls her "her buddy," and they go everywhere together.  She gives everyone she sees hugs, while laughing and smiling.  It broke my heart to think of never seeing her again.

My special little friend came into the office again today to get her teeth cleaned.  After multiple hospital stays and surgeries, she is finally back to her happy bubbly self.  I was on the verge of tears the entire visit.  I had never been so happy to give that girl hug after hug after hug.

Sometimes I think about the future as Elise's mother and caregiver.  Sometimes it is scary.  My patient's mother has been through so many trials with her daughter, keeping her healthy and getting the therapy and care which her condition demands.  And yet, through all the struggles, she has only ever been grateful to have the privilege of raising such a sweet spirit.

It reminded me of something President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said in his talk during our recent General Conference.  "How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain."

Some may see having a child with a disability as a trial.  I used to think so as well.  But then I was plunged head first into that world myself.  I am constantly bombarded with the day to day struggle of feeding, dressing and caring for a child with special needs, one who is completely reliant on me for her most basic care.  I live in continual fear of the next episode of seizures, with the overhanging possibility that the next time we won't be so lucky, and she could have serious after effects.

But I have also been enveloped in the warm embrace of Elise's monster hugs and caught her blown kisses from the air.  I have been surrounded by the music of her infectious laugh and marveled at every miraculous milestone.

I have never been so grateful for a trial in my life.

Elise has always helped me see the rainbow, even before it is ready to be revealed, all because I am not afraid to get a little wet.

Sunrise

Brian & Carol Anderson

It was an emotional day for everyone at church today.

A member of our Ward, longtime friend and home teacher of ours, passed away on Monday after a long struggle with leukemia.  After years of chemotherapy treatments, which his body seemed resistant to, his last resort was a bone marrow transplant this spring.  He suffered through the trauma and illness, and even seemed to be reacting well to the transplant, when suddenly things took a downhill turn.  He started to react to one of his anti-rejection drugs and never fully recovered.

I have been amazed to watch him and his wife Carol go through this entire ordeal.  They were always positive and upbeat, choosing to put their faith in God, and trusting in his guidance and protection.

During one of Brian's home teaching visits with our family, he laughed about a situation that had just come up with an onsight therapist.  Cancer patients are encouraged to attend some therapy sessions, to help them through feelings of grief, frustration, and fear associated with such a terrible disease.  He told us about how he had explained to her his resounding feeling of peace.  He was already at terms with the possibility of death, and nothing he knew about death scared him.  He was ready for whatever was in store, whether it be living twenty more years on earth, or returning to his Father in Heaven.  He laughed when he told us her reaction.  She said, "Brian, I don't think you need me. I probably should be listening to YOU."

Brian was the epitome of enduring to the end.

As I listened to many members of our Ward family bear testimony today of the peace and reassurance which we can receive from the Savior and his Atonement, I was reminded so clearly, with a flood of emotions when we lost Eric's dad.  It is so difficult to watch someone you love suffer for so long.  I remember pleading with my Father in Heaven to please release him from such a burden.  In my heart, I was hoping that release would come through a miraculous recovery, but our prayers were answered in a different way.

The challenge of aligning our will with God's, and trusting in His love, is probably one of life's most difficult.  I fight this challenge every day, as I watch my beautiful daughter struggle to make her way down the stairs, or trip because her balance is not quite right, or struggle with picking up small pieces of cereal because her dexterity is not that intricate.  I mourn for the life she could have had, for the experiences she will miss, the children she will never have.  But then I look into her eyes and hear her musical laugh and I know that she is happy.  She is happy with who she is and what God has given her.  He loves her and has blessed her in so many ways.

I have learned from watching my father-in-law, watching Brian, and watching Elise, that not only are miracles possible, but they do happen.  I have learned that you can face your challenges and adversity with faith and optimism.  I have also learned that you can accept the outcome of circumstances with peace and contentment.  Aligning our will with God gives us the reassurance of His matchless love for His children.  That He loves us and only wants our happiness.

On Tuesday morning, as I was driving to work, I was thinking about Brian's life and his example to me.  As I rounded the corner to get onto the freeway I got a good view of the sky.  It was one of the most glorious sunrises that I have ever seen, full of rich oranges and pinks.  Seeing it flooded me with warmth.  I felt sure that it was God's way of reminding each of us of His presence and His love.  

Brian was definitely smiling down on his family that morning.

He Knows Me By Name

On August 6th was mine and Eric's 19th wedding anniversary.

It was a really special day for us. We happened to be in Boise visiting for a family reunion, so we thought it would be meaningful to attend a session in the same temple that we were married in 19 years previously.  My parents and brother Michael attended with us and it was an experience that I will never forget.

The Boise Temple was recently completely remodeled. Everything on the inside was gutted out and redesigned, and the outside was resurfaced with a beautiful white granite. This was our first time through the temple since all the changes were made. 

As I entered this beautiful building, both completely new yet forever the same, I was overcome with memories from my first experience in that sacred House of the Lord. Not only was I sealed to Eric on that special day 19 years previously, but I also made other sacred covenants with the Lord for the first time. To add to this remembrance of first experiences, we were also able to see for the first time a beautiful new production made for part of the temple ceremony. It was like I was reliving that new day again so many years ago, and I was once again full of awe and wonder at how blessed I am to live in this world at this time.

 

There were several other beautiful moments which occurred that morning, so sacred and special that I find them difficult to talk about. As I was sitting in the Celestial Room, the holiest of places in the temple, surrounded by my family and with Eric by my side, I contemplated what I had just experienced and why it meant so much to me.

I was suddenly overwhelmed by such a rush of warmth and love so powerful it left me breathless. In that moment I felt so incredibly and personally loved by my Father in Heaven. He knew my needs, my fears, my strengths, my weaknesses, and He LOVED ME! I knew that He knew me by name.

Why did this mean so much to me at this particular time?

There is nothing more personal or sacred that identifies you individually and apart from anyone else, than your name.

I have been struggling with a lot of personal issues for many months now. Despite my best efforts, I have been continually berating myself for my inability to overcome personal weaknesses, and it has been a struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with the idea of who I want to be, that it seems impossible for me to be able to overcome my personal weaknesses and be that woman in my mind. How could I truly be loved as a Daughter of God if I wasn't perfect?

In my mind, I already knew that I was loved, even despite my imperfections. But at that moment, I really needed to KNOW, and in His perfect love and mercy, my Father in Heaven knew what I needed.

He knows me by name.

Tonight I had another difficult moment, when fear and desperation gripped me as I watched Elise endure another terrifying seizure. I held her, trying to calm her and comfort her as she cried, while at the same time I was screaming in my head, "WHY? WHY? WHY must we go through this? How can I endure seeing my child suffer like this?"

Then once again I was comforted with the same reassurance that not only am I loved, and my trials and fears are understood, but that Elise is so very loved as well. All at once, I flashed back to that special day in the temple and what I experienced there. Almost from the moment that the remembrance flooded my heart, Elise seemed to feel it as well. Her body started to relax and her rattling breaths began to slow and steady. I was once again overcome with a feeling of peace and love, knowing that our needs were understood and met.

Elise looked up at me and gave a small, tired smile, then rolled onto her side and snuggled into her sleeping position, her eyes quickly drifting shut.

I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who answers prayers, especially the ones that we don't even know we are sending up to Him. I am so grateful for His guidance and the constant assurances I receive to confirm that I am a beloved Daughter of God, despite my weaknesses and faults.

He knows me by name.

Funny Me

Every year, Everett School District sponsors an art competition for students to submit their original pieces of art and presentation called the Reflections Celebration.  First place winners in each division then move on to state level competition.  For the first time, this year they have a Special Artist Division for those with qualifying disabilities.  The students must create their own artwork, but can have non-artistic accomodation and assistance from an adult. 

 

This year's theme is "Magic of the Moment."

 

Elise's teacher really wanted to submit something from Elise.  She works daily at school on an iPad, and loves to look at pictures of herself and her friends on it.  One day her teacher set the iPad on video record and let Elise do her thing.  The result is her submission titled, "Funny Me."

 

On Wednesday night, the School District had an open house with all the artwork and submissions on display, along with their awards.  Elise's video took first place in her division, which means it will be moving on to the state competition!

 

It was a really special night.  As I was wandering around looking at all the student submissions, I had several people come introduce themselves to me, wanting to get to meet Elise's mom.  Two women from the PTSA committee sought me out specifically so they could meet me and tell me how much they adore Elise.  They both started to tear up as they exclaimed how excited they were to see her video, and also tell me how much of an impact she makes on all the kids around her.

 

They didn't have to tell me how special she is, though.  I already knew that, but it is so touching to see what a positive role she plays.  She is here on earth, and in our home, for a very special purpose.

 

When Eric gave Elise her first Priesthood blessing at church, it was before we even realized that she was going to be different and have special needs.  He was inspired by our Heavenly Father to tell her that she is a very special spirit, reserved to come to earth at this time, and that others would feel the Savior's love through her.

 

Everyday, Elise brings the Spirit into our home, and I see how others immediately feel something special when they are near her.  They are filled with love.  I know this is a gift from our Father in Heaven to each of us, and is Elise's special purpose here on the earth.  Even if they do not know how to expain what they are feeling, they are experiencing first-hand the Savior's love for each of us, as shown through the smile of one of His most precious children.

Check out my big girl....

Elise is walking!!!!

Sometimes I worry....

Two weeks ago, Elise was afflicted with a fever that lasted an entire week. She had no other symptoms of illness, so I couldn't figure out what kind of a bug she had or how to treat it. We were in and out of the doctor's office three times that week. The doctor suspected it was a urinary tract infection, yet couldn't verify it to give the proper medication. The bag specimen we got was too contaminated to be accurate, and the nurses were unable to get a catheter in. We ended up going down to Children's Hospital one evening to get a catheter (the proper size this time, thank you very much!). Four hours and one thousand dollars later, the urinary tract infection was confirmed and we were sent home with the proper medication.


We were counting our lucky stars that the entire time Elise was sick she didn't have any seizures. Usually a fever would trigger them for her, so we felt very blessed.


Now it has been almost a week after the antibiotic was completed, and all appearance of illness is gone. Then she had a seizure tonight. I found her on the kitchen floor wrapped around one of the chairs, her lips turning blue, eyes staring off as she is shaking. It is a sight, as a mother, you can never get used to. It's easy to tell yourself, "This is normal, she will be fine, just start timing it...." But the true fear and agony you go through as you try to calmly go through the motions....I can't even begin to say.


I'm not trying to make any of you worry about how she is doing....she is fine. Tired, but fine. I just really wanted to express some of the fears that I never feel like I can say out loud. I am her mother, I am always supposed to be positive and hopeful, full of faith, with never any doubts.


Yet, sometimes I worry....

What if she starts having more seizures?
What if the medications no longer work?
What if she starts to regress?
What if something happened to me or Eric, who could take care of her?
Am I really strong enough to do this?
Will I still be changing her diapers when she is sixteen?
Will I ever have enough patience?
Will I always get to hear her sweet laugh?


There. I said it. The unspeakable.


And yet, strangely I feel better. Because I really am full of hope and faith. Because I know that I am not in this by myself. Because I can feel peace when I pray. Because I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and loves my sweet little girl as much as I do.

Happy Birthday, Elise!

It's hard to believe, but six years ago today we welcomed one of the world's sweetest little spirits into our home. And what a blessing she has been!!

........

From the very beginning, her start into this world was unusual. She arrived after an intense, but brief, 90 minutes of labor, barely giving us enough time to make it to the hospital. She then made it a miraculous three months before she showed signs of her condition, when normally she should have started having seizures from the very beginning.

........

She has responded in miraculous ways to the medications and therapy offered her, and has far exceeded what was originally predicted to be her developmental potential. Whereas before I thought I would never see her stand on her own, I am now certain that in time she will walk. We simply can't keep that girl down!

........

She has bonded in very special and specific ways with everyone who comes in contact with her. Every babysitter, therapist, doctor, Primary teacher, and bus driver she has ever had is absolutely in love with her. She is impossible to resist! Her laugh and her smile warm me heart and soul.

She is a very vital part of our family and we are so blessed to have her in our home!

........

Happy Birthday, Elise!!!

We Love You!!!

Another Milestone!

Like all little kids, Elise has hit lots of milestones throughout her young life, they just happen to be at different times than is the "norm." Ever since we heard of her diagnosis when she was just a baby, we have been able to mark with pure pleasure and excitement all of her miracle milestones. Every one of them is an achievement that was never guaranteed, or even foreseen.

Today Elise hit a really important milestone!!!

Erica and Elise go to a friend's house during the days that I am working. When I went to pick up the girls after work today, my friend's husband told me that Elise stood up by herself today. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, since she has never done anything like that before.

Well, tonight at home, Elise showed off her new skill with glee! She pulled herself up onto her feet into a standing position next to the couch, with Eric encouraging her on! Here's the proof!

(Sorry the video is so dark, the family room isn't light enough at night! Can you hear American Idol in the background?)

Preschool Days

Thursday was Elise's last day in Preschool. It has been such an amazing year for her! She has had the best teachers and therapists you could imagine. I have loved every one of them! They all simply adore Elise, I mean, who wouldn't?


This year Elise had two classroom teachers -- Miss Nancy and Miss Maryanne, a physical therapist -- Sheri, and a speech therapist -- Judy. She loved all of them, but poor Sheri got the raw end of the deal! Since she puts Elise through lots of physical motions, moving her in ways she doesn't like, and makes her do things that basically make her work, she doesn't like Sheri quite so much. And Sheri tried so hard!! She has done so much wonderful work for her and has given me lots of fantastic advice for at home. Whenever Elise would hear Sheri come into the room she would start to fuss and throw a fit -- she knew what was coming! :)

Elise has grown a lot in her gross motor function, her core strength, and her fine motor skills. She has recently been able to stand on her own, while propped against an object. We are still working on getting her to tolerate a crawl position, which is important for shoulder and arm strength, as well as core balance. She has gotten good at holding small items, like crayons and paint brushes, and knows how to do a "coloring" motion. She is also working on using a spoon, although that one is still a ways off.

About one month ago we got some orthotics for her feet to stabilize them a little more and enable her to stand. She has been starting to roll her feet out and they are harder to form into the correct position, so orthotics were called for. She hates putting them on, but once they are in place she doesn't seem to mind them.

Next year will be the start of a new adventure. Elise will be going to Kindergarten! She will have the same therapy as Preschool, but will be going the same hours as Kindergarten, five days a week. She will also be going to a different school, which is always hard, but I know that she will adjust with time. Everyone always loves her so much, and she loves all the special one-on-one attention she receives at school! I know it will be another year of wonderful growth and changes!

Angel Elise

Our family had a bit of a scare this week with Elise. At about 10:00 pm she started having a seizure while in bed. Heidi noticed and called for us to come quickly. We soothed her and kept her airway clean the best we could, thinking that surely it would stop soon. However, it kept going. After about five minutes (which seems like ETERNITY), we gave her an emergency dose of anti-seizure medication and called the paramedics. They arrived very quickly, however, she was still seizing off-and-on. They took her and Eric in the ambulance down to Children's Hospital in Seattle. There they were finally able to stabilize her. She stayed overnight, and was released at about 7:00 the next night. She is making slow progress at home toward recovery. She is still very weak and unable to sit up. You can tell she is uncomfortable and it is making her frustrated.

Seizures are not a new thing for us, although thankfully they are still uncommon. Elise was born with a rare neurological condition called lissencephaly, or "smooth brain." Instead of developing ridges and valleys on the surface of her brain, it is very smooth. This changes the general make-up of the brain and triggers generalized seizures. It also causes severe mental and developmental disabilities.

Elise had her first seizure when she was only three months old. She curled up in a ball and started shaking uncontrollably. She was taking very labored, shallow breaths, and after about a minute her lips started turning blue. Once the shaking stopped, she became as limp as a rag doll and was completely unresponsive. We were terrified. We both knew what a seizure looked like, but nothing can describe the terror in seeing your own child go through it. When afterwards she was so unresponsive, I actually thought that I was watching my daughter die right in front of me, with nothing I could do about it. I distinctly remember praying all the way to the hospital saying, "Please don't take her away from me, I'm not ready to let her go."

At first the doctors were unable to determine why she was having seizures (she had two more at the hospital that day). They did a spinal tap and ran a CAT scan, with no evidence of problems. They put her on phenobarbitol for an undeterminable amount of time, and eventually sent us home. The phenobarbitol made Elise very drowsy. She would not do anything that it seemed like she should be doing. She showed no interest in toys, or tried raising her arms up. She seemed content to just sit in our laps all day.

When she was about eight months old I decided to take matters into my own hands. I felt like it seemed unnessecary to have her take a medication to prevent seizures when they didn't even know if she would ever have them again. And I felt sure that this drowsiness it caused was slowing down her development. Something just didn't seem right. So I started weening her off the phenobarbitol.

After about a month we started noticing that Elise would occassionally make little jerks for no apparent reason. Her doctor (we had moved and changed doctors throughout this time) was concerned about her delayed development and recommended we have some more tests run at Children's Hospital. She had an MRI done there, where they were finally able to see the problem and give us a diagnosis.

All I remember about that appointment was the physician assistant sitting down with us and saying, "Your daughter has lissencephaly," and that "she will probably never reach beyond a three- to five-month developmental level." And last, "she has a two-year life expectancy." That was all I could register.

We went home in a daze, then started poring over the internet for information. The information out there is not good. In fact, it was devastating to read. It was a very bleak time for us. There is no description adequate enough to portray the depth and range of emotions you go through as a parent. I had to mourn over a lot of things....loss of a normal, happy life for her, wondering if she could have meaning and fulfillment in her life, wondering if I would be able to cope with the different challenges it would present. I remember telling Eric the thing I feared the most was that I wouldn't have a personal relationship with her, that I wouldn't be able to see her own little spirit and personality coming through the disability. I wanted to feel like I knew her real spirit, that I could recognize her in the after-life. I really worried about that. Luckily I was very wrong to worry there. I now feel like I know her very well.

Once we had a diagnosis and the appropriate medications were given to her, we were able to tackle the new world we were entering armed and ready. We learned that motor skills, as well as speech and oral skills, are greatly affected by this condition. So Elise started "school." At first a physical therapist came to our house twice a week. Elise used to cry every time she saw her coming, because she knew she would make her work! Eventually she started going to a developmental preschool where she received physical and speech therapy (she still had troubles eating). When she turned three she started going to school four days a week. She still doesn't like her physical therapist, no matter how nice she is to her!

Elise has made huge strides in her development! She eventually learned how to sit on her own and roll around. Gradually she figured out that she could get places a lot faster by scooting around while sitting on her bum. She has actually gotten very fast at this! She is also developing her fine motor skills, grabbing and grasping small items. She has also improved her eating skills. At first she would not chew her food, just squish it against the roof of her mouth and swallow. Now she can chew and swallow a variety of things and loves to feed herself.

But the thing I love the most is that she has a very definite personality. She is very sweet and loving. She loves to laugh. She can sit in front of the mirror and play with herself for hours. She loves music and will bounce to the beat whenever she hears something fun. She is a Daddy's Girl through and through, he is all she wants when he comes through the door. She is also very independent, like she should be. She gets frustrated when we try to do something for her that she feels she should do herself.

To wrap up our story, Elise is now four years old. She has been very lucky in how well her medications have been able to keep her seizures under control. She has had very few, and none nearly as tramatic as the one this week. She has developed far beyond the doctors' expectations of her. I know that none of this is just by chance, it is a special blessing from our Father in Heaven. She is our little miracle!