Tears

"Tears are God’s gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow."

~Rita Schiano

Of course, ice cream seems to help too.

It's Always Fun When Grandpa Comes!

Happy Birthday, Dad!
We love you!!

(Hint: If you would like to watch this video without the side being cropped off, simply right-click on the video and select "watch on youtube.")

An Announcement

White #5

Due January 16, 2011

Sometimes I worry....

Two weeks ago, Elise was afflicted with a fever that lasted an entire week. She had no other symptoms of illness, so I couldn't figure out what kind of a bug she had or how to treat it. We were in and out of the doctor's office three times that week. The doctor suspected it was a urinary tract infection, yet couldn't verify it to give the proper medication. The bag specimen we got was too contaminated to be accurate, and the nurses were unable to get a catheter in. We ended up going down to Children's Hospital one evening to get a catheter (the proper size this time, thank you very much!). Four hours and one thousand dollars later, the urinary tract infection was confirmed and we were sent home with the proper medication.


We were counting our lucky stars that the entire time Elise was sick she didn't have any seizures. Usually a fever would trigger them for her, so we felt very blessed.


Now it has been almost a week after the antibiotic was completed, and all appearance of illness is gone. Then she had a seizure tonight. I found her on the kitchen floor wrapped around one of the chairs, her lips turning blue, eyes staring off as she is shaking. It is a sight, as a mother, you can never get used to. It's easy to tell yourself, "This is normal, she will be fine, just start timing it...." But the true fear and agony you go through as you try to calmly go through the motions....I can't even begin to say.


I'm not trying to make any of you worry about how she is doing....she is fine. Tired, but fine. I just really wanted to express some of the fears that I never feel like I can say out loud. I am her mother, I am always supposed to be positive and hopeful, full of faith, with never any doubts.


Yet, sometimes I worry....

What if she starts having more seizures?
What if the medications no longer work?
What if she starts to regress?
What if something happened to me or Eric, who could take care of her?
Am I really strong enough to do this?
Will I still be changing her diapers when she is sixteen?
Will I ever have enough patience?
Will I always get to hear her sweet laugh?


There. I said it. The unspeakable.


And yet, strangely I feel better. Because I really am full of hope and faith. Because I know that I am not in this by myself. Because I can feel peace when I pray. Because I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and loves my sweet little girl as much as I do.

A Yummy Failure

A few weeks ago I made some strawberry freezer jam. However, I misjudged the amount of Pectin to add in so it turned out quite runny.


I have been stubbornly eating it ever since. It is so yummy! Who cares that it soaks through your bread? It is soaked in sweetness! I also figured out a few tricks to combat this issue. First solution is to toast your bread almost to the limit of toastiness. We're talking CRISPY. Now if it's a good old-fashioned PB&J you're after, just spread a thin layer of peanut butter on both slices, before drizzling the "jam" over it. Voi la! Perfect insulation!


Tonight Eric discovered the best possible use of this gooey goodness....drizzled over vanilla ice cream.


I am currently licking my bowl clean....


You just can't go wrong with strawberries and sugar!

And the winner is.....

On Saturday was the District-level Pinewood Derby. The top three racers from each troop competed together in it. There were 55 racers in all.

The District race was pretty high-tech. It was all computerized, so they were able to track each racers' time, and also post the place it took in the race. Each car raced six times, once in each lane, and the times were recorded. They then averaged out those six scores to determine the overall winners.
Ethan's car took first place in each of his six races. We were all pretty excited to see his times up on the board, and were on pins and needles waiting to see how they compared with the other boys'.

Ethan ended up taking third place overall, and even got a trophy!!! We were all completely thrilled. After his success, Eric is now thinking of planning another Elder's Quorum Pinewood Derby. Once these boys get the bug, watch out!!

Birthday Girl

This weekend Erica had her second birthday!! She's such a big girl now!!Erica loves puppies, so she got two on top of her cake! One of them even barks when you squeeze him!

After opening her presents, she played with them the rest of the afternoon outside. The doll stroller was a big hit. She took her new baby doll and the two puppies for a very long ride all over the yard.

I just wanted to share....

My friend Angela, whose engagement pictures I posted recently below, just wrote me a note on my Facebook Wall. It made me feel pretty good, so I am passing my happiness on:

"i told you you had a new career in the making...went to develop the picture you
did for my invitations...and the developing place wanted a copyright release.
explained a friend did it with photoshop and they said "when pictures are that
high quality we need a signed release in the future" dang your good!!"

It was a fantastic weekend, with a lot going on, so stay tuned! I will post some great stuff tomorrow!

Lessons from a dress

After my latest disaster-turned-somewhat-pulled-off fiasco with my sewing project, I have noticed a very irritating aspect to my character. I hate it when I am not able to follow through with a brilliant performance. If I can't do it perfectly, or amaze everyone with my jaw-dropping skills, I don't want to do it. Period.


I am pathetic, I know....


While I was ripping through yet another botched seam, I was muttering to Eric how sewing this dress was going to be the death of me. He replied, "Why should you think you would be good at it, if you hardly ever do it?"


I laughed, but then thought about what he said. Yes, why do I think that I should automatically be good at this particular skill of sewing, when I very rarely pull my sewing machine out and practice? Why do I get frustrated with myself on the few occassions I sit down at the piano and stumble through passages of music that used to be second-nature? Why do I agonize over my poor execution of my Beehive's Sunday lesson, when I have failed to put the necessary time into it's preparation?


It brings straight to my mind the scene in Pride and Prejudice when Elizabeth Bennet says to Mr. Darcy that "we are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the e'clat of a proverb." And then later in the book reproofing Mr. Darcy's excuse for unsocial graces by remarking that "my fingers do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do....but then I have always supposed it to be my own fault -- because I would not take the trouble of practicing."


The title of the book says it all.....PRIDE.


Somewhere along the line I forgot about the hard work which is prerequisite to accomplishment. I acknowledge it's importance, but for some reason think, "Well, that shouldn't apply to me."


Every once in a while we need a good solid failure, something to remind us about what is worth working towards, or fighting for.


I just know I have a masterpiece waiting in me somewhere, fighting to break free. I don't even know what that masterpiece is: in song, or word, or visual creation....I can feel it sitting there impatiently, waiting for me to discover what it is.....


I guess I should start working a little harder for it....

Anyone need a photographer?

I am trying to turn a hobby into a useful skill.

I love photography, and especially love taking portraits. I have had the opportunity to take some portraits for friends, which I greatly appreciate the opportunity to practice on!

Here are some from my latest photo session. Angela is a former coworker of mine who is getting married, and asked me to do some engagement pictures. These are some of my favorite shots:

And this one is the winner! I designed a graphic to go on it, and it will be inserted into her announcement:

(In case you are wondering, they are getting married on board a cruise ship, hence the nautical poem.)

Anyone else interested in getting portraits done, give me a call!!

THIRTY-FIVE and officially in Middle Age!

So I am now smack-dab and solidly stationed into Middle Age.

Ugh.....

Funny how 35 sounds so much older than 34! (I think I had the exact same sentiment last year too!) And yet, time still marches on....Despite the trauma of aging another year, this birthday was great! I had my big date with Eric that night, for which I was frantically trying to complete my dress to wear. As I wrote before, the dress project was a nightmare. On Friday night I gave up, cut the skirt off the dress, made a new waistband, and turned it into a skirt instead!!!! I was happy with the result, at any rate. We had a fabulous time at the party, ate way too much delicious food, and luxuriated in a fancy feather bed. It was marvelous!
The next morning was Mother's Day, of course. We got home early enough to get the kids ready for church. I was surprised to find that Heidi had made me a birthday/mother's day cake! It was her first layer cake, complete with decorating, and I think she did a fabulous job!!!

My big present from Eric and the kids was a new Kindle. It is very cool! It is an electronic device, about the size of a paperback book, which you can electronically transfer books to. It can hold up to 1500 books. Eric was excited thinking we could clear out some of the copious amounts of books I have stationed all over the house. Sorry to disappoint, but I will always love books, so that will never happen, but this is definitely a fun toy right up my ally!!

Be Proud of Your Swagger Wagon!

Check out this great video! This is totally our family, because we are cool like that....

Project Progress....or NOT!

So I have run into a few speed bumps with my sewing project. Or rather, a full head-on collision!!


I was struggling with the bodice of the dress, so I called in the help of a lady in our Ward who is an excellent seamstress. She spent several hours with me one afternoon, cutting out a new bodice (again!), and fitting it to me. Then she left me to my own devices for the remainder.....Big mistake!!


I got the sleeves on without too much trouble, except that it took me all of another day. Then I attacked the skirt. I adjusted it and readjusted it, attached it to the top and ripped it off three times. It was a nightmare!!


Now the entire dress is put together, just lacking the zipper and the hem. I was so proud of myself, until I tried it on! It looks like a tent, with really fancy fabric!! The waist is way too high, with way too much poof in the front. Looks like a maternity dress.


Oh, boy....now what?!?!


Do I call that sweet sister back to help me rip the entire thing apart and start over again (all completed by Saturday, by the way)....or do I scrap the idea and go with something already in my closet?!


Eric is voting for the second plan. Of course, I can always count on him to suggest the easiest route possible. I am the one that loves to add stress and misery to my existence!